Mums and Babies

It is quite difficult to give a universal recipe for bringing up teens in one article. However, there are some general rules about effective communication with children that will help to bring up a teenager.

The first should be – give a good example. If you want, that your child does (does not) something – then you should do the same. You want him to be polite with you and other people? Then you should be polite and attentive with him (her) and also with your own parents. Remember, that you are the first authority for your child, and the first example to follow, even if he or she doesn’t confess it.

If there is in the behavior of your child something, that you do not like, you should work out an effective and correct reaction on it. You should understand that there is always a reason, if someone behaves badly. To solve the problem of bringing up your teen, you should understand the reasons of this behavior. The best way to build an effective communication between you and your child would be the usage of active listening and “me reports”.

Active listening should be used in cases, when you see, that you child is up tight, when he or she is bursting with negative emotions. How it works? Well, you should put away all other work that you were busy with, you should listen very attentively. Just repeat in your own words the information that you get. Try to define and name the feelings of your child. If you do not manage to do it at once, try again. You could also use sometimes such words as: “Oh, really?” “And then?” “Please, follow on”, “I am listening”. You should sound interested but also it should sound natural. In fact, this way of communication require some practice, but you won’t get it if you do not try. Do not ask direct questions like: “why you did this?”, “when this has happened” “how was that” – it can be felt by the teen like a kind of investigation from your side, but not your interest in his or her feelings.

When you feel, that your child has finished, then it is your time to say something. But do not yield to the temptation of getting advices, orders or negative appraisals. Try to use “me reports”. Speak of your own feelings and thoughts. Do not say: “I am angry of YOUR behavior!” Say: “I feel angry, when people behave in such way”. This won’t affect the feelings of your child, but will give you the possibility of emphasizing your position.

If you have some disagreement in some question – try to discuss it with your child. Firstly, you should listen to him or her and understand, what exactly he or she wants. Then, using “me reports” declare your wishes. After this done, you should together suggest as much decisions, as you can think off. On this stage of brainstorming do not reject anything. After you have got enough decisions, you should consider them all and choose the best that will satisfy by maximum the needs of all participants.

If you will manage to follow these advices – you will perhaps improve significantly your relationship with your teenager. But you should not consider them like a magic stick that will help you to manipulate of your children.